I’ve been listening to Christmas songs on Pandora
since September for weeks. I love it! But after a while you start to realize: verses in some carols make zero sense.
“Frosty the Snowman”
“.. with a corncob pipe and a button nose.” The guy is made of snow. Yet he smokes. Which would probably melt him.
“I’ll Be Home For Christmas”
“Please have snow and mistletoe and presents on the tree.” On. The. Tree. WHO DOES THAT?
“Do You Hear What I Hear?”
“A child, a child shivers in the cold. Let us bring Him silver and gold.” Um.. thanks, Wise Men that is SUPER HELPFUL. Although actually, how about a blanket?
“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”
“Everyone’s dancing merrily in the new old-fashioned way.” Either it’s new or it’s old-fashioned. Pick one and stop messing with my mind, Brenda Lee.
“The Chipmunk Song”
“Please Christmas, don’t be late.” What does that even mean? Christmas is Dec. 25, every year.
“Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.” Does this look fun to you? It looks like hypothermia to me. Good luck getting home if your ONE horse conks out, too.
“Do They Know it’s Christmas?”
This one is a multiple offender.
“There won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas Time.” Except on the top of Mount Kilimanjaro where snow can occur any time during the year but especially now.
“The only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears.” That and the Nile, the longest river in the world.
“When nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow. Do they know it’s Christmas Time at all?” Again, do y’all know about the Nile? It’s the longest river in the world. It’s in Africa and there’s water in it. The Congo, also in Africa and also featuring water, is among the world’s longest rivers. And not to pile on but several of the world’s largest lakes are located in Africa.